People never cease to amaze me..

Again, I feel the need to share things that I find to be amazingly funny. You can't make this stuff up. The names have been changed to protect the innocent (or probably more accurately, the unfortunate).

The first e-mail was sent to a friend of a friend after their first date.
"Had we but.."

"Had we but world enough and time, this coyness lady were no crime,
we would sit and think which way to walk and pass our long love's
day."- Andrew Marvell. I wonder Laquisha, is our "East Side" story
is through, or did it ever start? I did promise you many orgasims, yet
more I do dwell upon (believe it or not). New York City is a realm
of the passing, a place of quick and ephemeral pleasures, the same
taste I experienced with you the night we braced the icy winds to find
comfort, and warmness; not only in our drink but each other. I have
wined, danced, and swooned many women, some here in Gothem, however
your smile is genuine, your eyes sea soft sheltering the ocean of
lies that abound. And your kiss is as the princess tasting of the
fruit. Bidding you farewell that evening, my mind traveled to the
mysteries of chance and distance: strings of fallen
petals flowing behind us into the paintings of Rubens, Renoir,
Picasso during a Sunday at the MET. I have alway! s worn my heart on
my sleave and I feel less of a man when I don't express what I truly
feel. But know Laquisha, and know well, that this life is a breast
of joy and that I grieve not but find strength in what remains
behind. Please take this letter for what it is worth; the
spontaneous overflow of feeling, an entity for those who dare to
venture beyond the sheltered walls. Dare to come?
Kindest Regards,
George Washington Carver the Fourth

(don't worry.. I don't get it either)

This e-mail was sent to my same friend by another friend.
Its subject is "Donate to the Matula Fund."

Hey, guys. I recently was requested to attend a modeling agency (City Model Development Center). I met with the Director of the agency and I have agreed to partake in the business (my last and final try at this). I have scheduled a photo shoot for August 20, 2005. The package which includes the pictures and all of the composite cards are a bit pricey however, I want to give it a shot and see how it goes.

The package is $825.00 in which I have already paid $100.00.

What I'm asking for is a donation to the Matula Modeling Fund . Here's a bit more of a reason to donate. If I get somewhere with this, I'll make sure your name appears somewhere in my article or speech (HA).

A minimum of $25.00 would be greatly appreciated. I would accept cash, check or money orders :)
You can mail it to : Matula Dicker
1000 Marcy Avenue apt 12-B
Brooklyn NY 11211

Or you can give it to me when you see me. Thank you.

And by the way, Jamie. You and Joe must donate separately (you hear)
Terry you can forward this to Nancy:)