Terps Lax

I've been so busy with work and therefore creatively lame. For your amusement, I thought I would include an article from the good ol' Diamondback which elicited a printed response that was deemed, "Funniest Letter of 2004."

The stride of pride
Sept. 2, 2003 The stride of pride
Waking up wearing only your bra and someone else's boxers, a university woman recognizes the dreaded task at hand. It's not the distance, although our campus is a sprawling one. It's not the massive hangover that pounds in her head. It's the journey home itself. Every weekend, countless women here and at other institutions around the country must return to their respective dorms as dawn breaks in black pants and sequined halter tops - telltale signs of the Walk of Shame.
Where did this term come from? And why is hooking up so disgraceful come Sunday morning? Why must we hang our heads as we make our way home, hiding our faces from those all-too-curious church-goers? It is another double standard branding girls as sluts while guys become studs. The boys brag about their sexual conquests while women are expected to keep quiet.
To that, I say bulls---. This is the start of a new school year, and we do not have to put up with the stigma of the Walk of Shame.
We, too, are free to make up our own minds, and if we want to spend the night with the hot guy we successfully picked up at the bar, we will. Ladies, this is our chance to put some dignity back into the weekend; the trek from South Campus back to North Campus will no longer be known as the Walk of Shame. We will start this semester off on a different foot and call it the Stride of Pride.
With the Stride of Pride, a College Park woman can confidently head back to her room carrying balled up jeans in one hand and stilettos in the other, all the while recalling the past evening's events with a smile on her face.
You picked him up for a reason, honey, so be proud! Do not be afraid to announce, "I was just naked with an ACC champion. Where are you coming from?" to anyone who looks at you the wrong way.
However, there are exceptions to every rule. When beer goggles play Cupid, all girls should reserve the right to avoid eye contact with anyone who might recognize her and the not-so-fine young gentleman escorting her home.
Everyone makes mistakes, but try to take your time and choose wisely whenever possible. Word travels at a surprising rate for such a large university and it's ten times easier to mess up your reputation than it is to build a good name for yourself at college.
A hookup is only as exciting as the person you choose, and with such a diverse population on the campus, you are bound to find someone who fits your taste. Whether you prefer tall or short, band members or basketball players, I guarantee you will find him at the university.
Next Sunday, when you roll out of his bed and back into that skimpy dress your father would undoubtedly disapprove of, remember it takes two to tango. Oh, and to hook up, too. You did your part and earned the right to strut your stuff in front of the student tour groups. That's right, not only should they not judge you, but instead be envious. There are some real catches around the campus, so let everyone know you landed one Saturday night and you might just become someone's role model.
This column will run biweekly on Tuesday and will be based mainly on questions concerning student relationships. I would love to hear from you. Please feel free to write me with any questions, comments or suggestions you might have. Good luck and welcome back!
Lissa Barker is a sophomore letters and sciences major. She can be reached at machine509@aol.com.

And the response...
Dear Miss Lissa,
Though we may not be ACC Champions, we did make the Final Four last spring. The University of Maryland Men's Lacrosse Team formally requests your presence at our house this Saturday night at 7404 Dartmouth Avenue. The lacrosse program fully supports and encourages the "stride of pride" movement. Thanks for your time and have a wonderful day.
Forever Yours,
The Distinguished Members of 7404 Dartmouth Avenue