If you give a mouse a cookie

American Idol not being on tonight really ruined this evening's plans...
Does being hung over in church on Easter Sunday get you a one-way ticket straight to hell? I didn't get communion because I was scared it was either going to burn in my mouth or I would throw it up. And no, I didn't think drinking the sacramental wine would help the situation.

About two weeks ago, at my friend's apartment, conversation led to the discussion of the "5 second rule" (I will neither confirm nor deny if any other influences were involved). Even the prissiest most germa-phobic person has their own set of guidelines regarding the proper course of action when one drops a delectable morsel of food on the floor. Many people adhere to the infamous 5 second rule, if it was on the floor for less than 5 seconds it's still okay to eat (yes I know I should be typing out the word five, but for some reason this font looks really cool in 5's). As I was shoving popcorn into my mouth faster than my hands could carry it, I dropped an embarrassing amount on the floor (need I say what happened next?). The texture and the moisture of the food product greatly affects the decision. Popcorn works. Ice cream does not. Anything that needs to be slurped off the floor (even beer) is socially unacceptable in all circles. I watched my friend pick up a piece of popcorn immediately after dropping it, almost as if it were a reflex, she ate it without so much as a pause in the conversation. I would recommend at least giving the palimpsest of hesitation when eating off the floor, for propriety's sake. A trick I've heard works is, pick the food up off the floor, hold it behind your back for several seconds and then casually eat it. The person is less likely to remember/realize that you're eating garbage (this works best when you are eating bunches of the same item; pretzels, popcorn, Swedish fish).

When I was five or six, if I dropped something on the floor my Nana would tell me to kiss it up to G-d and then it was okay to eat. This was great! I could drop shit all the time and eat it right up!! G-d was hooking me up. One day my mom saw me eating crap off the floor and informed me that it was just an expression. Thanks Nana!

yeah sorry this is all I've got for now