My New Cousins

A couple months back my cousin set up a cousins-dinner for all the cousins on my maternal grandfather's side. I was very nervous about going because save Raz & Co. we aren't very close with that side of the family. I was reacquainted with cousins I hardly knew the because of old family drama which didn't involve them personally. Our shared appreciation for mockery and sarcasm along with their admiration of my amount of friendsters solidified our genetic ties. The acquisition of new cousins does not come without a price:

At the dinner we were all sharing family stories. Scott, the eldest, decided to tell a great story about our common great grandmother (and my namesake) Sarah. I’ll spare you all the details, but you know how many families have that "cure-all" medicine/product? For Chris Rock's family it was Robitussen. In "My Big Fat Greek Wedding" it was Windex. In the Chameides household it was enemas. Common Cold? Enema. Flu? Enema. Hangnail? Enema. My cousin also discussed the benefits of recreational enemas but I think I've blocked them out. I prefer to believe this is all a lie told by my Great Aunt Dottie who is "something else." (She's also the woman who asked me why I didn't have a boyfriend - my favorite question).

Todd came to the city one night to hang out and I wanted to introduce him to a friend of mine. We were pre-drinking in my apartment when he decided to tell me two lovely anecdotes.

1) Todd told his mom that he was going to hang out with me in the city. His mom responded, "Is it like a date?"
Ew.

2) At the wedding Scott and Todd were telling their grandmother that I was really cool and they wanted to set me up with one of their friends. She replied, "Well you know, you can have her if you want."

EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW.
Would she really want mutated retarded great-grandchildren?
Now Al & Sylvia would be psyched that I'm getting to know the family better but I doubt they would have thought incest was the best way to go about it.
EWWWWW. Seriously. And my mom didn't see any humor in it whatsoever.